Struggle is nature's way of strengthening us.

I am not going to say that this has been a terrible year.  I refuse to think of it that way.  There's no denying that it has been incredibly difficult, but it has not been terrible.  I have made mistakes, broken trust, lost close friends, and hurt people I love dearly. But I have also learned some incredible lessons.  I have begun to learn what it is to love others like Jesus, what it means to be a faithful friend, what it takes to become the woman God wants me to be.  

If there is one thing I have learned from this blur of a year, it is that life is a constant struggle between what I want and what He wants.  When I begin to do things my way, He breaks me.  Not because He enjoys seeing me hurt, but because He loves me too much to let me do it my way.  He sees the big picture.  I do not.  Occasionally, I get arrogant and begin to think that I can see the big picture on my own. And naturally, He breaks me.  He lovingly puts me where I belong and says, "Courtney, just trust me."

So in this upcoming year, that is what I will try harder to do.  It is a terrifying thing for me to do, but I know I cannot do this on my own...as much as I would like to believe otherwise.  Being an independent person, I like to do everything on my own.  Sometimes, that is a good thing.  But when it comes to my choices, my character, or my future, I cannot let myself believe it can be shaped independently. I need Him to guide me through this mess.

Though sometimes necessary, struggling through this mess is never a pleasant ordeal. In a very early episode of LOST, John Locke told Charlie that "struggle is nature's way of strengthening us." It breaks us, humbles us, and then slowly makes us better people. If there is something I have learned from my struggles this year, it is that I am a foolish, naive child. I think I know what I'm doing, but God tells me otherwise.  I try to do things my own way, in my own time, but God has other plans for me.  He's not finished with me yet.

I have learned that I do not have to constantly fight with Him to get what I want.  Granted, He wants to know my heart and the things that I hold dear.  He wants me to lift my requests to Him, but I have to keep in mind that God is not a genie.  He loves me and cares for the things that mean a lot to me, but when I turn my focus from my own desires to Him, my desires slowly become in line with His.  Suddenly, I am not struggling between what I want and what He wants; I am walking beside Him, holding His hand, and heading towards the goal He has planned for me. 

A new year is upon us, and though I'm not huge on the whole "New Years Resolution" thing, one thing I resolve to work towards is placing my trust in Him.  I don't expect to fully grasp my goal, as it is a life-long process, but I believe it is something we should all keep in mind.  It is so easy to fall into the mindset that we can do life on our own.  We have to constantly remind ourselves that we are His, and we need Him to do this thing right.

 This year, I am going to work harder to keep my desires in line with His...and along the way, become the woman He wants me to be.

Not only do these kids have way too much time on their hands, they have terrible taste in music. I mean, really..out of any artist you could choose to make a lip dub to, they chose Lady Gaga.  Of course. (rolls eyes)

To each his own, I suppose.  Looks like a ton of fun to make, though, regardless of the music choice.

But alas, my reasoning behind posting this lip dub is not because I'm inspired by their creativity, or love how much fun they're having, or whatever.  

I am just a nerd.

Even if this video was horrifically orchestrated and edited, the fact that this college has a Quidditch* team would still make it friggin' awesome.  I know, I'm lame.

*yeah, for real.

Can't afford instruments?

Problem solved.

My Secret Crush.

Kate Jablonsky is an absolute genius.  If I could look inside the mind of one person, she'd rank up there in the top ten.  Her creativity inspires me and her dancers make me want to work harder. Not just in dance but in everything I do.

The Harlot and the Hallows.

Last night was Ballet Magnificat's tour through Panama City - as well as their last night to perform The Scarlet Cord before officially retiring it.
This specific "ballet" was a rendition of the story of Rahab the prostitute from the book of Hosea.  Although the message of the story has always really gotten to me, I wasn't particularly a fan of the way they portrayed it.  Taking place amidst the communism of the Soviet Union, the story is more about underground missionaries than it was about the unfaithfulness of Rahab and the steadfast forgiveness of God.  It was a loose rendition, to say the least. 
In addition, I just felt it was too "preachy." Don't get me wrong, I have nothing against people wanting to use their talents to share Christ..but I also feel that it needs to be done in a careful way or else you run the risk of being completely written off.  When that happens, you may have done more damage than anything. So a balance needs to be found.  Personally, I feel they could have better found that balance if they omitted the few soul/gospel MaryMary songs they threw in there.
I'm not a fan of that kind of music to begin with, but when you throw it in the mix of a so called "ballet" and the genre of music that comes along with it, you completely lose your audience.  The flow of the music is fractured, and therefore the flow of the storyline becomes damaged as well.  You go from being in the middle of a story to feeling like you are in the middle of a dance recital.  If it had been a dance recital, I wouldn't complain (aside from the fact that it's a terrible selection of music).  But it wasn't a dance recital; it was a ballet.  
I like the idea of revising the story in Hosea to fit a different time period, but The Scarlet Cord wasn't exactly what I expected, both musically and in terms of the plot.  All of that excluded, the dancers were incredibly talented.  Despite my opinion of the ballet as a whole, I did enjoy myself.  Dance is something that I could never NOT enjoy, and I certainly had a good evening.  Although, Ballet Mag wasn't the only reason it was a exciting night.


Unless you've been hiding in a cave for the past few months, you should be fully aware that last night was also the premiere of the first segment of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows. Kids worldwide wrapped up in Gryffindor scarves, tied on their Slytherin ties, and joined the masses of fellow fans to witness the opening of the close.  Well, the first part of it at least; the grande finale is yet to come.  I did, in fact, happen to be one of those excited little nerds sporting the Gryffindor uniform. Yes: tie, badge, and all.  I know, I'm lame.  Don't hate (:

I'm not as disappointed as I thought I would be. It's nothing compared to my disappointment in the Half Blood Prince disaster.  On my nerdy obsessive side, I loved the movie.  Considering Rowling's books are freaking epic, I just enjoy seeing them come to life.  Sadly, it tends to be a muted depiction.  Nothing about the movie (or movies) can compare to the brilliance of her books.  Granted, that almost always tends to be the case whenever a book is made into a movie, but even as films in themselves, most of the Harry Potter movies (especially the Half Blood Prince) lack quality.

I think my biggest complaint is just their lack of character development.  Take Fleur and Bill for example.  They've been in the story since year four.  At the time, they didn't seem all that important to the films, but now the directors decide to just throw them back into the film with a sorry introduction as to who they are and why they are there.

Or consider Dobby, who shows up in the second movie to try and save Harry's life.  All throughout the rest of the book series, he pops up here and there, helping them with various things, providing inspiration for Hermione's SPEW project, etc.  It all provided a bit of insight into who Dobby was, so that when he sacrifices himself, the reader is more impacted by that sacrifice.  But because the directors decided to discard Dobby's character from the majority of the films, and because he had no impact or interaction with the story since their second year at Hogwarts, the blow of his death becomes softened and they lose the effect.

I feel like the only reason it tugged on the hearts of the viewers, and in some cases made them cry (as it was for some girl who sat a few seats down from me), was because they all knew Dobby from the books.  Since about ninety-seven percent of the people seeing the movie have read the books, they already know who everyone is.  Perhaps the directors took advantage of this, or perhaps the priority of keeping character development alive got lost in the confusion of switching directors four times throughout the course of the movie series.  I know that there are millions of reasons why directors don't follow the books to a tee, but had they not completely effed up some of the previous movies, I think I would have been happier with the final product of this recent one.

(steps off soapbox)

PS,

This is just on the slight chance that you were wondering, or even care.

If you haven't noticed from the month-long gap that I faded from existence in the blog world, I have called it quits on the daily photo update.  I have absolutely no time.  Although it was a fun idea, setting aside time every single day to post some pictures really isn't an option when you already have to stay up into the wee hours of the night - every night - to study.  Photo blogging is enjoyable, as it pushes me to be creative, but it just has to happen less frequently.

Hang in there, boys.

November is probably one of my favourite months of the year.  Not only is it the start of the holiday season (which means a copious amount of delicious food), but it is also the month that all the boys decide to ditch their razors.  Thus, you also hear it referred to as the month of Novembeard.


I don't know what boy initially came up with this idea, but I think it's great.  He was probably trying to see how much his lady REALLY liked him.
It is the test that trumps them all: will she - or will she not still kiss him when his lips feel like a toothbrush?  That's how you know she loves you.

Growing up as a girl with three brothers, this whole "let's-all-grow-burly-beards-and-crazy-civil-war-mustaches" concept never really bothered me.  Quite the contrary.  I think it's hilarious.  About one week into November, the fun begins.  All the dudes begin comparing their manliness to others depending on how fast their facial hair grows, and all the ladies start complaining about how grody their boy looks.  A week later, when all the guys have a sufficient amount of scruff to prove their manliness, the comparing turns to whether or not their girl still likes them.  On the other hand, their ladies are all discussing what kind of animals they would rather kiss.  It's rather entertaining, really.

But now we find ourselves a little over two and a half weeks into November; the men are growing ever more discouraged and their girls continue to nag.  So here I am, for the sake of my own amusement, to encourage all you boys to keep up the good work.  Only thirteen more days until your lady stops referring to you as "Hagrid" and starts providing some lip action.


In the female's defense, though, kissing a cactus face isn't the most enjoyable thing in the world.  But ladies, I still think you should show your boy some love.  I mean, he tolerates your PMSing every month, so you could return the favour for a few weeks out of the year.   Just a suggestion.


He's a boy, let him do his thing. <3

As I'm sitting here studying (and changing poopy diapers, feeding cake to Coleman while he watches Batman, and trying to keep curious little Ruby out of trouble), I came across this quote from a Florentine historian who was describing the Renaissance artist, Filippo Brunelleschi. I liked it, so I thought I'd share it with you (:

"Nature has created many men who are small and insignificant in appearance but who are endowed with spirits so full of greatness and hearts of such boundless courage that they have no peace until they undertake difficult and almost impossible tasks and bring them into completion, to the astonishment of those who witness them."

-Giorgio Vasari 

Hey you. Yeah, you. This is for you.

I believe in your victory.

They got a hold of the Mac again..these kids are so strange.

Ninjas.

Saturday 10.02.10

This Saturday I went to my little sibling's belt promotion for their karate class. Honestly, it's a little intimidating. Every time I go to one of these things, I am continually frightened by how BA these kids are.

My suggestion: don't make the young ones angry.

Especially not my siblings. Seeing as they will both probably be black belts in about a year and a half, you probably will want to start trying to get on their good side now.

Luckily, I'll be off at college by that time, so I won't be subjected to their mad ninja skills.

Friday 10.01.10

Yeah, there's really not a whole lot to say about my day.  Or my picture.  This is one of those times you'll just get a picture with no explanation behind it (that will probably be the case more often than not; I'm a junior in high school, so my life really isn't interesting enough to talk about). 

I'm not much of a writer, in case you haven't noticed.  I'm not very good at accurately expressing my feelings, either.  Usually, my writing is just a jumbled mess of something that came falling out of my head and I never give myself time to try to make it coherent.

Even when I say I'm not going to say anything, I end up rambling.  Like now. (rolls eyes)

Oh yeah, and just in case you were wondering: this is a picture of my room..well, part of it.

Stop, smell the roses. Talk to God while you're at it, too.

Thursday 09.30.10

As I grabbed my breakfast and headed to the computer to check my emails this morning, I looked out my window and couldn't help notice how beautiful it was outside. So, instead of sitting my butt in front of the screen, I took myself, my plate of cheesy eggs, and my hot cup of coffee out on the front porch to enjoy the cool air. It was a different way to start my morning. Wonderful, but different. I wasn't thinking about everything I needed to get done today, I was't stressing out about difficult situations, and I wasn't worrying about my upcoming tests. It was just me and God.

It's been a while since I just talked to God. Sure, I pray all the time, "God, guide me through the day. Bless this person. Protect that person. Give me patience. Help me pass this test. Etc." But it can all seem so demanding sometimes. I'm talking about sitting down and conversing with Him. Not throwing all your needs on Him and then getting on with your day, but actually taking the time to hear what He's got to say for once. It was a really cool, to say the least. I knew He was there, I could feel Him working in my heart.

For the first time in a long time, I felt at peace. I knew that He was working. Something about just sitting there enjoying His creation led me to realize that I do not have to worry. He can control how fast the grass grows, whether or not the birds will find food, or if it will be hot or cool, like it was this morning. If He manages all that, why do I worry so much? It's irrational, really. He's got this. I have nothing to fear. 

What's humbling is, it's not that He has to manage my life. It's not an obligation for Him to protect me, to guide me, or to give me a purpose. He does it because He wants to, because He loves me. He likes me. Me. God likes me.

That fact blows my mind more than anything else in the world.

Dead Shoes.

Wednesday 09.29.10

Here is a lovely example of what your shoes should look like while you dance, and what your shoes will look like when you need a new pair. Laura has long passed the point of needing a new pair. (Her legs are the white ones in case you were wondering. You know, with the shoes that have no support and could snap her ankle at any moment.) She got them back in August when she and I went out of town to dance with Alabama Dance Theatre. Aaand they're already dead. This girl spends way too much time dancing. I'm not sure if she ever does anything else, actually. It's a little scary. But I love her to death. Therefore, I beg you, Laura: get a new pair. You're going to kill yourself.

For all you who don't have a clue why I'm incessantly rambling on like an idiot about a pair of shoes, let me explain. No, there is too much. Let me sum up: when you see a girl walking down the street wearing 6 inch stiletto's, your initial thought is, "just watch, she's going to snap her ankle any second.." Now imagine her walking down the street in those stiletto's.. but without the heel. Yes, they'd support her arch, which would stabilize her ankle, but she'd still need an immense amount of strength in her ankles to keep from breaking them. What if the arch of the stiletto lost its stability? Well, then you're really screwed. Just like my dear friend, Laura.

If I'm still making no sense, then forgive me for this rant. I'm done.

PS, if none of you caught my Princess Bride reference, you clearly haven't watched it enough. Drop whatever activity you had planned tonight, order a pizza and watch that movie.

Pronto.

Photo Update (:

Tuesday 09.28.10

My 14 year old brother had a Boy Scout function last night that my family went to (I went for the food). Conveniently, it's located in the Cove, which is probably my favourite part of town. As soon as I got a chance, I slipped outside to longboard a bit.

First, I haven't longboarded since spring break. You have no idea how good it felt to be back on Betty (in case you don't know me very well, I have a tendency to name all of my belongings).

Second, have you been outside in the past two days?! It's like God finally fixed the AC or something. It is beeeeautifuuuul.

Anyway, after a while, my other little brother found me longboarding outside and wanted to give it a go. So I got to have a bit of bonding time with that little dude teaching him how to longboard. He's pretty much a beast at it.

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Monday 09.27.10

After a horrifically grueling night of dance (insert sarcasm: dance was ridiculously unchallenging due to a sub teacher that belongs teaching five year olds...asdfghjkl), my friend, Val, came over to study with me. We both plan on taking the CPT for Gulf Coast within the next few weeks so we figured we'd study together and help each other out.

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Sunday 09.26.10

Due to some inconvenient schedule changes in Victoria's classes, she is now a bit behind in math class, so she has a crap load of homework she has to catch up on. Plus, her teacher randomly decided to go Africa for two weeks, which didn't help her out much either. So here she sits: at a table in the back room of our church before Burning House, recruiting every engineer, doctor, scientist, any sort of math whiz, or anyone in general she could find who could help her figure out her geometry. I'm pretty sure all of Eastgate had attempted to assist her by the end of the night.

Photos of the weeeeeek.

Alright. Here's my week. I'd like to be able to put these pictures up on they day they are taken..but with all the freaking homework I have, I don't exactly have time to sit around and do miscellaneous stuff like vanquish Pokemon creatures or read haikus, let alone tweak with pictures and write on this blog every day. I'll try to do this as often as possible, time allowing, but you may end up just getting a weekly slew of these. Who knows..we'll see.

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Saturday 09.25.10

This is Paco: more commonly known as Lauren. But to me, she is Paco. Always will be.

She's pretty much a sweetheart and hanging with her is always a blast.

And no, she is not Mexican. Not even close.

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Friday 09.24.20

Unlike the majority of other girls my age, I do not spend my Friday nights out partying or flirting with boys. For the most part, I don't even go out to hang with my girls. I hang with these kids.

(L-R: Isaac, Chloe, Kaeli, Lilly, and Abigail)

They're probably my five favourite little buddies, like, ever. My Friday evenings usually consist of Mac N' Cheese (or frozen pizza or something completely unhealthy like that), movies, and games that involve me being an evil dinosaur that chases small children around trying to turn them into mini evil dinos by gobbling on their limbs. Yeah, there's never a dull moment with these boogers. Ever.

Tonight was especially fun since I brought them all McDonalds, which is about as unhealthy as it gets. Don't worry, I apologized to their parents ahead of time for poisoning them. After we chowed down on our greasy feast while watching Hoodwinked, we all had a grand time making sugar cookies. Once I got their systems completely filled with sugar, I chased them around the house growling like a maniac. It was fantastic. I love Fridays. <3

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Thursday 09.23.10

Our neighbours down the street got away for about a day and a half to celebrate their anniversary, so their kids camped out at our house while they were gone. But of course, every time this family ever does anything, their devil dog, Daisy, gets sent here to drive me mad. If I were to hate anything, the list would look something like this:

1. Hypocritical/arrogant behaviour

2. Bananas

3. Daisy

The best part is (yes, this is dripping with sarcasm), Daisy thinks I'm her best friend. So I can never get rid of her. ahsjkg;dhsja. Kill me now.

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Wednesday 09.22.10

You have no idea how difficult it is to stand on pointe and take a picture of it at the same time. It was an interesting sight, for sure.

These are what my dad likes to call "The Cruel Shoes". Looks can be deceiving, my friend. These are not dainty little ballet shoes. Far, farrrr from it. Aside from completely chopping off your feet, this is probably the most morbid thing you could make your feet endure. Five minutes in these and your feet feel like they've been run over by a semi. Thirty, and you've got bloody, painful open blisters. Just lovely, isn't it? 

Yes, I am over exaggerating just a tad, but you get the pointe.

Hahaha, ballet pun. I am retarded. 

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Tuesday 09.21.10

Meet Coleman. I babysit this kid and his precious baby sister every Tuesday while their mom teaches a dance class. Let me tell you, this boy is going to be one lady killuh when he's older. He's freaking adorable, he's a little sweetheart, he's a complete genius, and he's probably the most stylish kid around. Fo'real, check out that get up!

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Monday 09.20.10

Yes, I am aware there is no picture here. No, there hasn't been a technical difficulty. I didn't get around to getting any good shots. Actually, I didn't even touch my camera. I had so much going on this day I didn't even think about it. It hasn't even been a week of this project and I've already failed. (sighs) Story of my life.

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Sunday 09.19.10

This past Sunday was Surf N Grill, my church's baptism/let's-all-eat-hamburgers-and-get-sunburnt service. It's a ton of fun. You should try it sometime.

Since this was the first day I truly got a chance to use my camera, I was kind of in everyone's face. I apologize if I was completely annoying, I was just a tad excited to play with my new toy.

Voldemort!

This afternoon I sat down at my computer to check some emails and noticed the photo booth application was open, so I clicked on it to find a billion videos made by my crazy little siblings. This, apparently, is what they do in their free time when mom's not around. Made me giggle.

We'll see how this goes..

  A kid I know started this project back in January taking a picture a day for the whole year. As I creepishly stalked his daily Facebook photo updates, I was continually inspired by his creativity and wanted to do something similar. I had my birthday a couple weeks ago and I decided to use my birthday money/money I've been saving up to buy myself a Canon XS to help utilize my skill. Or, lack thereof.

 So, here I am: copying this kid's project (even though I'm starting over 3/4 of the way through the year), and adding snippets of random things that occur in my life and miscellaneous thoughts that run through my head. Granted, I won't be nearly as creative, and my writing won't be anything near eloquence, but this is just a bit of me sharing me with you. If that makes any sense at all.

 I'm still trying to figure out this whole blogging deal, so things look a bit rough right now. Plus as a high school student, I don't exactly have the free time to sit arount and tweak with these sorts of things. So just bear with me. Perhaps some day I'll be able to organize my insanity.