Struggle is nature's way of strengthening us.

I am not going to say that this has been a terrible year.  I refuse to think of it that way.  There's no denying that it has been incredibly difficult, but it has not been terrible.  I have made mistakes, broken trust, lost close friends, and hurt people I love dearly. But I have also learned some incredible lessons.  I have begun to learn what it is to love others like Jesus, what it means to be a faithful friend, what it takes to become the woman God wants me to be.  

If there is one thing I have learned from this blur of a year, it is that life is a constant struggle between what I want and what He wants.  When I begin to do things my way, He breaks me.  Not because He enjoys seeing me hurt, but because He loves me too much to let me do it my way.  He sees the big picture.  I do not.  Occasionally, I get arrogant and begin to think that I can see the big picture on my own. And naturally, He breaks me.  He lovingly puts me where I belong and says, "Courtney, just trust me."

So in this upcoming year, that is what I will try harder to do.  It is a terrifying thing for me to do, but I know I cannot do this on my own...as much as I would like to believe otherwise.  Being an independent person, I like to do everything on my own.  Sometimes, that is a good thing.  But when it comes to my choices, my character, or my future, I cannot let myself believe it can be shaped independently. I need Him to guide me through this mess.

Though sometimes necessary, struggling through this mess is never a pleasant ordeal. In a very early episode of LOST, John Locke told Charlie that "struggle is nature's way of strengthening us." It breaks us, humbles us, and then slowly makes us better people. If there is something I have learned from my struggles this year, it is that I am a foolish, naive child. I think I know what I'm doing, but God tells me otherwise.  I try to do things my own way, in my own time, but God has other plans for me.  He's not finished with me yet.

I have learned that I do not have to constantly fight with Him to get what I want.  Granted, He wants to know my heart and the things that I hold dear.  He wants me to lift my requests to Him, but I have to keep in mind that God is not a genie.  He loves me and cares for the things that mean a lot to me, but when I turn my focus from my own desires to Him, my desires slowly become in line with His.  Suddenly, I am not struggling between what I want and what He wants; I am walking beside Him, holding His hand, and heading towards the goal He has planned for me. 

A new year is upon us, and though I'm not huge on the whole "New Years Resolution" thing, one thing I resolve to work towards is placing my trust in Him.  I don't expect to fully grasp my goal, as it is a life-long process, but I believe it is something we should all keep in mind.  It is so easy to fall into the mindset that we can do life on our own.  We have to constantly remind ourselves that we are His, and we need Him to do this thing right.

 This year, I am going to work harder to keep my desires in line with His...and along the way, become the woman He wants me to be.

Not only do these kids have way too much time on their hands, they have terrible taste in music. I mean, really..out of any artist you could choose to make a lip dub to, they chose Lady Gaga.  Of course. (rolls eyes)

To each his own, I suppose.  Looks like a ton of fun to make, though, regardless of the music choice.

But alas, my reasoning behind posting this lip dub is not because I'm inspired by their creativity, or love how much fun they're having, or whatever.  

I am just a nerd.

Even if this video was horrifically orchestrated and edited, the fact that this college has a Quidditch* team would still make it friggin' awesome.  I know, I'm lame.

*yeah, for real.

Can't afford instruments?

Problem solved.

My Secret Crush.

Kate Jablonsky is an absolute genius.  If I could look inside the mind of one person, she'd rank up there in the top ten.  Her creativity inspires me and her dancers make me want to work harder. Not just in dance but in everything I do.

The Harlot and the Hallows.

Last night was Ballet Magnificat's tour through Panama City - as well as their last night to perform The Scarlet Cord before officially retiring it.
This specific "ballet" was a rendition of the story of Rahab the prostitute from the book of Hosea.  Although the message of the story has always really gotten to me, I wasn't particularly a fan of the way they portrayed it.  Taking place amidst the communism of the Soviet Union, the story is more about underground missionaries than it was about the unfaithfulness of Rahab and the steadfast forgiveness of God.  It was a loose rendition, to say the least. 
In addition, I just felt it was too "preachy." Don't get me wrong, I have nothing against people wanting to use their talents to share Christ..but I also feel that it needs to be done in a careful way or else you run the risk of being completely written off.  When that happens, you may have done more damage than anything. So a balance needs to be found.  Personally, I feel they could have better found that balance if they omitted the few soul/gospel MaryMary songs they threw in there.
I'm not a fan of that kind of music to begin with, but when you throw it in the mix of a so called "ballet" and the genre of music that comes along with it, you completely lose your audience.  The flow of the music is fractured, and therefore the flow of the storyline becomes damaged as well.  You go from being in the middle of a story to feeling like you are in the middle of a dance recital.  If it had been a dance recital, I wouldn't complain (aside from the fact that it's a terrible selection of music).  But it wasn't a dance recital; it was a ballet.  
I like the idea of revising the story in Hosea to fit a different time period, but The Scarlet Cord wasn't exactly what I expected, both musically and in terms of the plot.  All of that excluded, the dancers were incredibly talented.  Despite my opinion of the ballet as a whole, I did enjoy myself.  Dance is something that I could never NOT enjoy, and I certainly had a good evening.  Although, Ballet Mag wasn't the only reason it was a exciting night.


Unless you've been hiding in a cave for the past few months, you should be fully aware that last night was also the premiere of the first segment of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows. Kids worldwide wrapped up in Gryffindor scarves, tied on their Slytherin ties, and joined the masses of fellow fans to witness the opening of the close.  Well, the first part of it at least; the grande finale is yet to come.  I did, in fact, happen to be one of those excited little nerds sporting the Gryffindor uniform. Yes: tie, badge, and all.  I know, I'm lame.  Don't hate (:

I'm not as disappointed as I thought I would be. It's nothing compared to my disappointment in the Half Blood Prince disaster.  On my nerdy obsessive side, I loved the movie.  Considering Rowling's books are freaking epic, I just enjoy seeing them come to life.  Sadly, it tends to be a muted depiction.  Nothing about the movie (or movies) can compare to the brilliance of her books.  Granted, that almost always tends to be the case whenever a book is made into a movie, but even as films in themselves, most of the Harry Potter movies (especially the Half Blood Prince) lack quality.

I think my biggest complaint is just their lack of character development.  Take Fleur and Bill for example.  They've been in the story since year four.  At the time, they didn't seem all that important to the films, but now the directors decide to just throw them back into the film with a sorry introduction as to who they are and why they are there.

Or consider Dobby, who shows up in the second movie to try and save Harry's life.  All throughout the rest of the book series, he pops up here and there, helping them with various things, providing inspiration for Hermione's SPEW project, etc.  It all provided a bit of insight into who Dobby was, so that when he sacrifices himself, the reader is more impacted by that sacrifice.  But because the directors decided to discard Dobby's character from the majority of the films, and because he had no impact or interaction with the story since their second year at Hogwarts, the blow of his death becomes softened and they lose the effect.

I feel like the only reason it tugged on the hearts of the viewers, and in some cases made them cry (as it was for some girl who sat a few seats down from me), was because they all knew Dobby from the books.  Since about ninety-seven percent of the people seeing the movie have read the books, they already know who everyone is.  Perhaps the directors took advantage of this, or perhaps the priority of keeping character development alive got lost in the confusion of switching directors four times throughout the course of the movie series.  I know that there are millions of reasons why directors don't follow the books to a tee, but had they not completely effed up some of the previous movies, I think I would have been happier with the final product of this recent one.

(steps off soapbox)

PS,

This is just on the slight chance that you were wondering, or even care.

If you haven't noticed from the month-long gap that I faded from existence in the blog world, I have called it quits on the daily photo update.  I have absolutely no time.  Although it was a fun idea, setting aside time every single day to post some pictures really isn't an option when you already have to stay up into the wee hours of the night - every night - to study.  Photo blogging is enjoyable, as it pushes me to be creative, but it just has to happen less frequently.

Hang in there, boys.

November is probably one of my favourite months of the year.  Not only is it the start of the holiday season (which means a copious amount of delicious food), but it is also the month that all the boys decide to ditch their razors.  Thus, you also hear it referred to as the month of Novembeard.


I don't know what boy initially came up with this idea, but I think it's great.  He was probably trying to see how much his lady REALLY liked him.
It is the test that trumps them all: will she - or will she not still kiss him when his lips feel like a toothbrush?  That's how you know she loves you.

Growing up as a girl with three brothers, this whole "let's-all-grow-burly-beards-and-crazy-civil-war-mustaches" concept never really bothered me.  Quite the contrary.  I think it's hilarious.  About one week into November, the fun begins.  All the dudes begin comparing their manliness to others depending on how fast their facial hair grows, and all the ladies start complaining about how grody their boy looks.  A week later, when all the guys have a sufficient amount of scruff to prove their manliness, the comparing turns to whether or not their girl still likes them.  On the other hand, their ladies are all discussing what kind of animals they would rather kiss.  It's rather entertaining, really.

But now we find ourselves a little over two and a half weeks into November; the men are growing ever more discouraged and their girls continue to nag.  So here I am, for the sake of my own amusement, to encourage all you boys to keep up the good work.  Only thirteen more days until your lady stops referring to you as "Hagrid" and starts providing some lip action.


In the female's defense, though, kissing a cactus face isn't the most enjoyable thing in the world.  But ladies, I still think you should show your boy some love.  I mean, he tolerates your PMSing every month, so you could return the favour for a few weeks out of the year.   Just a suggestion.


He's a boy, let him do his thing. <3